สวัสดีค่ะ พอดีเราไปเจอแฟนฟิคชั่นที่เคยเขียนเอาไว้เมื่อปี 2017 พออ่านแล้วค่อนข้างชอบสำนวนตัวเองตอนที่เขียน เลยอยากเอามาลงไว้ เผื่อมีใครสนใจอ่านค่ะ (ต้องขอโทษคนที่ไม่อ่านภาษาอังกฤษ และขออนุญาตใช้พื้นที่ด้วยนะคะ) 

*คำเตือน: แฟนฟิคชั่นนี้มีเนื้อหาที่เกี่ยวข้องกับความสัมพันธ์แบบชายรักชาย ผู้ที่ไม่ประสงค์จะอ่าน สามารถกดข้ามหรือออกได้ค่ะ ขอบคุณค่ะ

It’s been a week since the two Pevensie children arrived at Scrubb’s house. The two families were relatives, at least genetically as the governmental document clearly stated that way. But judging from the way his cousin, Eustace, saw the world, Edmund didn’t think that the imagination genes were transmitted to this puny boy.

However, this was the first time Pevensie members visited the Scrubb in their home and obviously, Eustace had prepared everything to welcome them. Edmund found a notebook under Eustace’s mattress on the first day he and Lucy, his little sister, arrived; the book Eustace used to write evil plans to bully him and Lucy. They were very well written, deep in detail, and informative. Edmund could even see the ‘operation date’ for each plan. He put the notebook back in its place, pretended not to know anything but got himself ready for the attack, and so after that, a week of fighting the little evil science nerd had begun.

The sound of the bedroom door cracking open came to his ears, Edmund opened his eyes and stared as the cheeky boy stomped in. His cheeks were very red, which made Edmund know immediately that the boy was about to scream.

“WHERE IS MY NOTEBOOK!?” Eustace demanded.

“What notebook?” Edmund frowned, wondering if Eustace had come up with some more silly plans.

“THE ONE WITH THE BROWN COVER!!” The boy bellowed. “MY DIARY!!”

Oh, the other one. Edmund thought as he remembered the different colors of the covers. He was thinking that Eustace had too many diaries for a person when Lucy rushed in.

“What’s happening?”

“He stole my notebook!” Eustace shouted at her instead, his voice turned a bit softer because Lucy is a girl. “Tell him to give it back.”

“Edmund?”

“It’s not with me, Lu.” He said while getting up.

“HE’S LYING!!”

And then more screams and yellings. So loud that Edmund had to stand up and stretch out his arms to cover his sister’s ears. Eustace stopped and stared at them with an angrier look in his eyes

“I didn’t take it, Eustace.” He insisted, “You better try to remember where you left it.”

“YOU---!!” The boy was about to explode again when a tinkling voice of his mother, Aunt Alberta, shouted from downstairs.

“Eustace, I’ve found it! It was here, under Daddy’s wing chair.”

Silence...

Lucy blinked.

Edmund quirked.

Eustace turned red and stormed out of the room just like when he came in, without an apology, as usual. The two children sighed.

“Maybe we should just...get used to it,” Lucy suggested. Her voice seemed uncertain.

“That takes time.”

“Or maybe, try to be nicer to him?”

“As if he’d be grateful.”

“Or should we...I don’t know, try to avoid him instead?”

“Actually, we’ve done all that, Lu. But he was the one coming to us.”

“Then, what should we do?” Lucy whimpered with her cute little voice. “I wish we could continue staying at Professor Kirke’s old house.” 

“Me too,” Edmund said, petting his sister’s soft hair gently.

“So we would be with Peter too, and maybe we can go back to Narnia again.”

Edmund didn’t answer. The young siblings spent their time hugging each other quietly and thinking and talking about wonderful times they had together in that marvelous world.

“Narnia again.” An evil sneer came from the bedroom door. “So childish--”

“Shut up, Eustace. If you don’t want to know how childish people punch.” Edmund said in a cold voice, his glare was even colder.

“MOMMMMM!!” The boy cried out and ran away.

“You shouldn’t have said that, Edmund.”

Edmund shrugged, said nothing more about the matter.

-----------------------------------------

The next morning, Edmund told Lucy he was going out for a quiet morning walk.

The only good thing about Scrubb’s house was that it was close to the beach. Edmund liked to walk there when he felt exhausted, from fighting with his stubborn cousin, or when he wanted to spend time privately. 

The beach was far lower than the house, and if he stood there and looked back, it would look incredibly similar to the view he saw when he went back to Narnia last year. The garden there would be the woods, and for Scrubb's house the ruins of what was once a magnificent castle. It’d been a year since the last time they went back, and two years after their first visit. The feeling of King Edmund started to fade away from his memory. He used to be just, strong, and dignified as a king of Narnia. It was a great shock when he found himself back from Narnia in the body of a 12-year-old boy and it took quite a long time for him to adjust himself. 

Actually, Edmund believed that he was not the only one who got affected by this disturbing change. Peter too. Edmund still remembered himself helping Peter from a bunch of misbehaved high school boys last year. They were full of pride back then. The pride of the Kings of Narnia, that no one should be messing with. The brothers have to show them that.

Yes, it was a mere pride.

The pride that was too big for the body of two teenage boys.

Probably, the real reason that Edmund retaliated against Eustace might be because of his pride too.

Edmund took his shoes off and stepped onto the soft golden sand. He sat down looking at the flaming red color of the dawn shining from the distant horizon.

If only I could be King forever, if only I could stay in Narnia forever…

But what good would it be if he went back just now? His kingdom, his castle, and his throne had already been ruined. It was the end of Pevensie’s reign already. The ruler of Narnia right now---

The face of somebody he knew flashed into his head.

How has he been? The man whom Edmund and his brother and sisters handed the future of Narnia to...

Caspian…

Edmund closed his eyes to give a full look at the face in his memory. The tall man with black wavy hair…so black… just like a magnificent onyx. And the perfectly handsome face, with that pair of pitch-black eyes that had always glistened like a starry sky.

The beauty that should only exist in a dream. How nice would it be if he could see it again? With his own eyes, with him being there.

Feeling the weight inside his chest, Edmund crossed his arms over his body and bent low.

If only I could go back to Narnia. I would give up everything here.

People always make a wish to the shooting stars. If it was nighttime, Edmund would gladly do so too. He wouldn’t care if Eustace, or anyone, would find that childish, ridiculous, or pathetic. He would be more than willing to do it.

But now is the time of dawn. The shooting stars wouldn’t come.

Hey, then can we make a wish to the dawn instead? 

Edmund tried to remember. In history class at school, he read about a land far away in the east where people worshiped the sun as a god. Also in Greek Mythology, he found people asking for their dream to come true by offering something nice to the sun god. Edmund once insulted that it sounds credulous and that it looks more like a trade rather than praying.

But now, at this very moment, when his heart was so weary. Even crazy things would be worth a try, right? Even though that would mean stepping across his own rules, his pride, his principles.

Edmund lifted his head and stared at the mesmerizing glow at the horizon.

Lead me to him again. Take me back to Narnia. Just take whatever you want, I want to make a deal. Let it be a trade between you and me.

Minutes passed, nothing happened.

The boy sneered at himself. Pathetic. 

Edmund sighed as he lay down on the beach. Feeling as if he’d finally understood the words that a priest once said during the holy mass; when people are weak, they sway and sometimes walk into the wrong direction. 

Yeah, that seemed quite true.

Edmund closed his eyes again, letting the soft sand and the stable sound of the wave lulled him to sleep.

                         ——————————

“Edmund?” 

A voice exclaimed. It was so close to him. A deep voice that sounded so familiar.

“Good Lord, it’s you! Edmund. Edmund.”

Edmund forced open up his heavy eyelid. The blurring views started to form into shape; someone’s face with dark hair that shone golden brown in the light of dawn, and the face...Edmund blinked, feeling his head empty.

“Caspian?” He whispered in surprise. The man nodded, his black eyes shone bright with happiness. He knelt to hold Edmund’s shoulders and helped him up.

There was a long silence when they were staring at each other with trembling eyes; eyes of people who have so many things to say, too many that are impossible to put into words.

Edmund reached out his hand, wanting to touch the cheek of the person in front of him. He wanted to know if it was true or if he’d just been dreaming. But if this was a dream, Edmund wasn’t sure he wanted to wake up.

Caspian’s eyes dropped down, following the trembling hand, and slowly closing at the moment that the soft hand touched. The taller man gently pushed his cheek into Edmund’s palm as if he was yearning for warmth from it. His lips lifted into the shape of a smile.

It is real...isn’t it?

Edmund thought as his thumb caressed along the shape of Caspian’s face. The soft cheek, the rough sideburns...Edmund slid his hand behind the man’s head and pulled him over to kiss.

The touch on the lips was so real that all the doubts vanished.

Edmund held his breath as Caspian moved. The warm hands caressed over his back and down to the waist. They pulled him closer as Caspian’s kiss became more alive. It was longing, gentle, and sweet.

After a while, Edmund’s body started to stiffen and it was as if Caspian had caught Edmund panting strangely, he moved back.

Edmund closed his eyes as he took a deep breath and smiled, he felt a bit nervous seeing Caspian’s black eyes fixed on his face like this, unwavering.

Moreover, those eyes were smiling at him. The curves and gleaming spark there were showing how happy this man felt in meeting him.

“You look…great.” Edmund decided to start a verbal conversation at last, although their eyes alone could communicate enough.

The thing was, Edmund wanted to hear the man’s voice.

Getting his greeting wrong, Caspian’s smile went wider and Edmund had to correct his words again.

“Err, I mean you look...look like you’re doing great.” It didn't work as he’d hoped.

“You too.” The man replied, his voice was deeper and calmer than the last time they met. Probably, because he’d grown up a lot already.

“You’ve changed.” Edmund continued.

“You too.”

“Not that much,” he said chuckling, “only a year older.”

“A year?” Caspian exclaimed, eyes wide open. “You’ve been gone for three years already.”

Edmund was not surprised with this information, he knew there were differences between the time in his world and Narnia.

“You came alone.” Caspian looked around and Edmund just realized.

“I’m sorry, Susan didn’t come...Aslan—“ Edmund avoided using the word, he swallowed the hard thing that came sticking in his throat. How could he forget about the relationship between those two...how foolish…

“No, no that’s not what I mean.” Caspian seemed to realize what Edmund was thinking, so he shook his head quickly. “I just wonder how did you get here like...this.” He rolled his fingers over and over, his eyes swept around Edmund’s body.

Edmund looked at himself, maybe Caspian meant his strange clothing; a T-shirt and wide-legged black trousers. But before he said anything, he saw Caspian stare at his feet.

“I thought you wanted to meet Susan.” He said, uncertainly.

“I’d love to, but not for what you think.”

“But you love her.” Caspian turned to look at him. His eyes shone bright.

“I once thought I loved her too,” and when the man saw Edmund quirked as if asking for more explanation, he smiled.

“Until I noticed myself not looking at Queen Susan’s horn but—-” The man turned to grab something dropped behind; something silver, shiny, and… “The truth is I was looking at this.”

“My torch.” Edmund cried, he burst out a loud laughter, feeling so funny. So he did forget the flashlight in Narnia. How kind of this man to keep it for him all this time. Caspian looked at him and gave him a nervous smile.

“I thought you might want it back.”

“And you kept staring at it,” Edmund asked.

“Only when I missed its owner.” The man said, then he put it back to the sand, and turned to stare at Edmund’s feet again. Actually, Edmund noticed him glancing at his feet during their conversation all along.

What’s with my feet? He thought as he followed the man’s eyes...to his bare foot. 

Oh

“Ah, I took off my shoes when I laid on the beach—”

“This is the first time I saw you bare foot,” Caspian whispered, his voice was the tone that Edmund couldn’t describe. 

“What?”

“Since we’ve met, I’ve never seen you take off your shoes before.”

And is that important?

Edmund bit his lips, trying not to ask such a silly question. He wasn’t sure what the answer would make him feel, even though he wasn’t sure yet what it might be.

Before Edmund could think of anything else, Caspian reached his hand out to touch his foot. Again, Edmund stiffened and his breath paused.

The rough fingers of the man slid on the back of his pale foot slowly, making Edmund feel nervous. Yet, he didn’t move or push that hand away. He was startled when Caspian gently grabbed his right foot and lifted it a little.

“You know, in this land, people don’t expose their foot to strangers.” He said, more like murmuring.

Edmund tried to remember, but he really couldn’t think of anything because all the time he spent in Narnia, he only took off his shoes for two reasons; to go to bath and bed.

Or did Caspian mean the Telmarian culture?

“So if they’re not strangers, then it’s ok, right?” Edmund asked with interest.

“No, friends also hide their foot in leather shoes. The people who get to see each other bare foot have to be closer than a mere friendship...starting from a special occasion…”

The boy held his breath, waiting for the answer, another secret of Narni—-

“The wedding night.” Edmund choked and Caspian burst out in laughter with his reaction.

“You’re kidding.” The boy accused.

“No, Your Highness. You can ask other people if you like.” Then Caspian stopped, looking at his bare feet with gentle black eyes. “I’m serious, Edmund. Don’t let anyone see you like this again.”

The boy felt something trembling inside him. Could it be an urge? Happiness? He didn’t know. All he knew was it’s hard to explain.

Caspian gently put his foot down and turned back to him. Look at him with those black eyes, incredibly seductive. The blazing light of dawn flashed at the back of the man's head. He was pushed down gently till he lay on the beach, Caspian bent over, they were so close. Edmund could smell the fresh oriental perfume that Caspian was wearing.

Caspian kissed Edmund again slowly. He paused every once in a while, allowing the boy to breathe, so that he could prolong the kiss as long as possible. The lips slid down along Edmund’s neck, not to kiss but just to bury his nose there and inhale the fresh fragrance of Edmund’s soap.

Finally, Caspian stopped and laid down beside him, Edmund’s head on one arm. That was quite comfortable.

“May I?” Caspian asked a short question, but Edmund knew what he meant. The boy nodded and another arm came over, hugging him close to the man.

The sound of peaceful waves came from the distance, lulling them to sleep.

Edmund

A voice came inside Edmund’s head, calling. A small familiar voice.

Edmund

“Lucy?” Edmund murmured, opened his eyes, and looked around, but the only person around there was Caspian.

Edmund!

The voice seemed worried. Edmund jerked up and looked around. Again, he saw no one.

“Lucy!” Edmund shouted alarmingly, Lucy’s voice didn’t sound right, she’s in trouble.

Caspian woke up, looking up at Edmund, he asked, “What is it, Edmund?”

“Lucy, I heard her voice. She’s in trouble.”

Edmund! Edmund!

Edmund turned to talk to Caspian when he realized the man’s eyes widened in terror.

“Caspian?” The boy asked, worried, and followed his eyes to his waist. He saw Caspian’s arm laid...on the sand.

Edmund lifted his hands, he could see through his palm the white, bright sun climbing up the horizon, claiming its place from the dawn.

“You’re fading.” Caspian cried in terror. He tried to hold Edmund, swinging his arms around him insanely. Again and again, the man hit nothing but the air.

Edmund reached out to Caspian, trying to grab, hold, touch, anything he hoped he would get to him again. But his hand too had just gone through Caspian’s head, straight to the back.

“Edmund! Hold on, hold on, don’t go.” Caspian’s voice was so trembling, the beautiful black eyes looked as if tears were welling up.

Edmund!! Edmund!!!!

Lucy’s voice came again and this time Edmund knew where it came from.

It came from the sea…

Lucy is in the sea…

Edmund was shocked. He had to go into the sea, he had to help Lucy RIGHT NOW!

Edmund turned to Caspian, still trying to catch him, and looked at him with sad eyes.

“Caspian, I have to go help Lucy, she’s drowning.”

“No! Wait, Edmund, don’t go. I haven’t heard anything. It’s probably some sort of evil magic that lured people to drown. Don’t go.”

Edmund!!!!!

“I’m sorry, Caspian” Edmund gave him one last look and ran into the sea.

“Edmund!!!!”

Caspian followed him, but before he got hold of the boy, some sort of force grabbed Edmund over the head and pulled him down into the water.

There was no splash. Edmund seemed to just disappear into the sea.

Caspian ran down, dived down, trying his best to find the boy but there were no clues.

“Edmund…” Caspian whispered. Water dripped down his chin. Whether it was water from the sea or tears from his eyes, it was hard to tell.

                               ————————-

“Edmund!” 

Lucy screamed as the boy woke up, choking and panting.

“Lucy. Lucy, are you ok?” He asked, exploring all over his sister to see how she was doing.

“What are you talking about? I should be the one who asks that question! What were you doing out here? You laid still as if you were dead.” Lucy said, her voice trembled with terror.

“I was—-“ dreaming?

Edmund looked around himself and his sister. Aside from footsteps, there were traces on the sand, the print in the sand, as tall as one grown man could make...not so far away, a small hole the size of his torch was there…

Was it a dream? What happened??

Questions thundered into the boy’s head. It was like a dream. It was so real, yet intangible. A dream at dawn...It was awfully real. A painfully sweet dream.

“Let’s go back, Lu.” He got up and took his sister’s hand. Edmund looked at the rising sun for one last time and left.

His heart ached when he thought of the face of Caspian reaching out trying to hold him, begging him not to go.

His heart hurt. So did that man’s…

Edmund didn’t tell Lucy, he didn’t notice that the wheel of fate had finally moved again, for the prayer was not heard by any sun gods, but by the one true God who created the dawn. The one that always hears the silent cry of a broken heart.

                           —————————-

Somewhere far away, a man stood still as if he had been paralyzed in the sea. The waves of salty water ran through him peacefully. Just like the waves, the boy will never return. 

Caspian looked down at his hands. Clenched into angry fists, he began to punch the water. Water was intangible, but it still hurt. His hands hurt, just like his heart.

He couldn’t protect Edmund. The only thing he did was shouting and watched him disappear right in front of his eyes. The boy was here...in his arms…but untouchable.

When he went back to the shore, a voice came shouting from a distance.

“Your Majesty!”

It was Reepicheep, the mighty knighty mouse. He ran towards Caspian at high speed, then stopped as he studied his King Caspian, got extremely wet from head to toe.

“Your Majesty, what happened? I thought you said you came out for a walk.”

“Nothing. Do you have anything to tell me?” He asked as he picked up Edmund’s torch, the flashlight. 

“Oh! Yes, Your Majesty. I’ve heard the news, it seemed that the ship you sent out in search of the seven Lords hasn’t come back.”

Caspian frowned.

“You mean it disappeared again?”

“Indeed, Your Majesty.” The mouse replied.

Caspian turned to the sea, looking at the endless line of the horizon and the bursting sun far away, and finally back at the place where Edmund disappeared.

There could be no better sign.

“Reep, send down my command. Get the ship ready, we’re sailing in a fortnight.”

“Yes, Your Majesty. And who shall be the leader of this journey?” The mouse asked with a mighty wondering voice.

“Me. I will lead it myself.”

No matter if it was a monster, a witch, a curse, or any kind of magic. I, King Caspian X, swear to find you and bring back what was mine.

And soon, the journey of the Dawn Treader begins.