2017, a huge mug of mocha, starting off strongly but leaving tenderly.

I cannot recall much of what I have done in the first part of the year. What still lingers in my mind is just blurry memories of me struggling, mostly mentally, through difficulties.

I remember me yelling, screaming, and crying, internally.

I remember me repeating the same old questions over and over again.

When will I stop being such a coward?

When will I be brave enough to overcome those fears, to cross those lines, put down those guards.

I remember someone asking “If you could write to yourself in the past, what would it be?” and me writing down “Do not let go of the chance that comes to you. Grab it or you will never get it ever again.”

It’s funny, you know, when you look back and realise that, a few weeks later, you did it again.

But I’ve grown up.

I’ve stopped pressing them down or burying them in the deepest part of my heart.

I let myself drowning in sorrows, disappointment, anxiety, depression, and whatever negative emotions humans could have.

I let myself feel them.

I let myself talk to them.

I let myself understand them.

Until I know them well,

Well enough that they will never be able to hurt me that much anymore.

I remember me living myself like I used to do.

Not that bad, but not that good either.

So-so as people would say.

Until the middle of June, I have found another, um, world? Society? Whatever.

I have met some new friends.

I have learned some new things.

I have discovered the hidden abilities of mine.

I remember me wishing “Please, don’t be harsh on me, 2017” in the first second of January 1, 2017.

And I thank you, 2017, for being this kind.

I remember me thanking myself in the night of December 31, 2017 for not giving up.

And I am glad I still feel the same way tonight.

I thank you, family, for the special place that no one could replace.

I thank you, friends, for the laughs and tears we shared.

I thank you, the people who left, for the life lessons.

And, I thank you, Aom, for not giving up.

I hope I still feel the same next year.

Thank you and goodbye, 2017.

Hello, 2018. I wish you take care of me well.