TW: Suicidal thoughts (mentioned)

They say, “The grass is always greener on the other side.” And I completely agree with that saying. But what if the whole world is your “other side.” What will you do then...?

Hey, if that’s what you’re feeling, don’t worry. That makes two of us. Sometimes, your life seems just a shy of being “perfect,” whatever the word means, but you often feel like something is terribly wrong.

NORMAL.

Well, maybe it’s the plastic bag you got from a cashier at the capitalist-owned convenience store.

Maybe it’s the Ukraine-Russia-currently-at-war news you scrolled through while lying comfortably on your futon. 

Maybe it’s the strawberry crumble cake in the fridge you made weeks ago which you dare not eat because you got enough calorie intake for today. 

Or maybe it’s all of those things combined, bubbling within your chest with no way of getting out. 

And, of course, you can’t tell anyone. You already feel bad enough for having these thoughts in the first place.

“Imagine those homeless people on the street,” they’d say. 

“You’re lucky growing up with a family like this,” they’d say. 

And deep down, you know what they said is true, which makes it a thousand times worse.

Why? Because with all these luxuries and privileges you got, you’re still unhappy, or rather, unsatisfied.

You feel like life isn’t enough. 

YOU are not enough. 

I mean, you can’t help it. You look around, and everywhere people are succeeding. Some of your friends already had their career paths laid before them while you barely know what you want to do in the future, or even what to eat for breakfast. An actor, the same age as you or even younger, earns like a million bucks a year. 

Imagine that, guys. And the problem is you are bombarded with this feeling of inferiority every single day, especially on social media of which you can’t seem to get enough.

Many times, you think of writing a letter and where you would hide it. 

It couldn’t be too plain or they might find out accidentally, but it couldn’t be too hard to find either since you’re afraid it’ll be lost, along with your message. That they did everything right, and there is nothing they can do. 

Then again, what did they do to deserve this? They are too good to get their hearts broken by what you’re thinking. 

So, you abandon the plan and go back to sleep. 

Weirdly, this kind of thought doesn’t occur on your worst days, because you’d be pretty occupied about the incident itself, but rather on a random, normal day. When your mind wanders around and stumbles upon the deepest and darkest corner of your brain. 

Of course, you begin to worry whether you need to see a psychiatrist. 

But not long after that, you will remember that you already have one.

How lucky are you?