I'm so pissed off at myself.
Someone talked to me and mentioned him in a conversation.
and of course
my friend couldn't help himself
but mentioned the guy's thesis that I used to be a big part in it.
if you read this
you might wonder
who is 'him in a conversation'
who is 'the guy'
he was my best-friend.
and was my boyfriend.
so ...
it upsets me.
I try to think of something else so everything that I feel will slowly fade away.
But here I am...
angry at myself
trying to write it down.
the worst thing is
I really do miss him.
sh*
now it's getting worse. I have to write it down. I'm shaking again.
I have a thought to go to that coffee shop that he always goes.
I have a thought that maybe I am tough enough to see him without feeling bad.
But no
I'm scared and end up sitting at Starbucks
I've made mistake by checking his status and it leads me to his ig
he deleted everything about me except for that one photo he held my hand.
no face no tag (because I already deleted my ig) only the caption 'get well soon'
it's my mistake.
because now my head is starting to do that thing again.
He doesn't love me anymore.
That's okay.
I can't do anything about it.
But
I always love him.
That's for the fact.
And it always will be.
I need to get away.
I need some more times to think.
I want to be strong.
I'm only a stranger here but I do believe time will eventually makes things better
hope you're feeling better soon. from one stranger to another :)