Hi guys, I'm back on this lovely Saturday night.

               Nothing seemed special today. I spent time cleaning up my space with my Dad and it's kinda boring. But the thing is, during my small housework job, I just overheard a song from the radio I was listening to (met107) which its rhythm and lyrics hit me so hard!      

               And when I went googling for the song's name, it turned out to be a song from one of my fav artist, It's Ed Sheeran's. The song's name is Beautiful people, it was released since June. Oh my gosh, where the hell have I been?

              I hit the replay button for almost 10 times I guest. I really like the lyrics! I love it meaning sooo much. The reason is that I am a kind of person who always feel like a loser or an alien when I see how people in my generation live and be. And here's what I am...

             - I don't fit Thai girl's beauty standard. I'm not slim, not white, not cute, not a soft and sweet little girl or that tanned and confident girl. I'm different from what most of Thai girls are. 

            - I don't like gossip. I'm not good at having a small talk with someone I'm not close with. I prefer a deep talk. I love to company with people who don't focus their conversation on other people's life but like to share their attitude, their life experiences, or discuss and share their opinion towards the topic with me. 

            - I don't spend my time on Social media so much because I found it useless to know too much about other people's life. So that's why I'm bad at keeping relationship with people in my life and don't know how my friend's life going. I just...DON'T. You know it's kinda a waste of time to be on Social media.

              And so on.

              Yeah, what I wrote about myself seems like I'm a real shit. Maybe I'm a loser, having low self-esteem, like to compare myself with others, and might be anti-social in the future LOL.

              I want you to know that I had tried to be better so many times but it failed. 

              I can't be what I am not. 

              I can't be more cute except I'll go to a surgery clinic. I can't be so feminine (in Thai's meaning) or full of confidence every step I walk. I still feel awkward when I have to make a small talk with new people. I still don't use FB and IG more frequently. 

              I am still what I am. 

              I know well that I don't fit in and I'm not beautiful (In Ed Sheeran's meaning).

             And I don't know what to do with myself but I don't want to change myself to fit in.

             Maybe it's better to be an Alien if I can be myself.

              

Hope you have a good night and good Sunday.

Bye.